i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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