how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
