my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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