Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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