Betty ford says i'm here all night
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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