my phone needs a breathalizer
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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