did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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