I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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