He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
