How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
