Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
