Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize