Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
