Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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