Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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