I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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