My friends, they love my intelligence
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
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