god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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