New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
