The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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