Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
