just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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