just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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