Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
