He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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