Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
