You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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