So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize