My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize