Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
