it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
