I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
