You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
