Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
