he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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