My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
