Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
