So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
