he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
