Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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