alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
