were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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