I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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