Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
