Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
