there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
