I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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