Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
