hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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