My friends, they love my intelligence
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
