It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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