I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
