i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
