i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
