i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
