i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
