Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
