sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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