About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
