i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
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