I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Come share oat with me in your robe
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
