dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
