Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
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