I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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