I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So. Much. Porn.
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