Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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