guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
