dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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