I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
