Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
